


Because I'm Ambivalent

by htmllost



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Fluff, Gen, Kinda, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 14:18:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6427318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/htmllost/pseuds/htmllost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan was nice to Phil in the beginning but things changed. They become down right hostile to one another. Phil tries to sort things out but the consequences aren't what he expected them to be. High school AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because I'm Ambivalent

**Author's Note:**

> The word for this fic was 'ambivalent' as requested by @thatgirlinalgebra on tumblr. If you don't know what that's about, send me a word and I'll turn it into a phanfiction.
> 
> Tumblr: insert-aesthetic-url

Phil hated Dan. He hate him _so much._ The stupid boy had made his life miserable. 

When Phil had first joined his school, Dan was nice to him. Gave him a tour of the school, sat with him at lunch, helped him with maths homework and all that jazz.

But then, something changed. 

Dan started pushing him away. Then, he started being mean to him. And Phil wasn't really sure why but he was mean right back.

Eventually, they became down right _hostile._

Whether it was shoving the other in corridors or simply glaring at each other in class, neither of them missed a chance to be mean. 

_Dan started it! It isn't my fault!_

That's how most of his time went by. Pushing, glaring and snarling.

The year was coming to an end and Phil really didn't want to move to the next grade with unexplained negative emotions.

So, one day, he decided to approach Dan during lunch.

“Hey, Howell.” He called as Dan shoved books into his locker.

“What do you want, Lester?” He spat in an irksome tone.

“Look, I just want to talk to you.” Phil said through gritted teeth.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” Dan laughed and bowed cheekily. 

“Quit being an idiot and just listen to me.” Phil sighed.

Dan closed his locker and shouldered his bag. “Oh no, you called me an _idiot?_ I'm too offended to continue this conversation I'm afraid.”

“Now, unlike you,” he tried to walk past Phil, “I'm a busy person who has places to be.”

Phil stepped in front of him and placed his hand on Dan's shoulder. “Come on, Dan. Please.”

Dan flinched at Phil's touch. That disturbed Phil. He instantly drew his hand back. 

Dan stepped back and sighed. “Okay. Meet me in the school ground after school. I don't want anyone seeing us together.”

Phil smiled and agreed.

He wasn't really sure why he was so persistent about talking to Dan. He guessed it was probably just a little jealousy. He'd seen Dan hang out with his friends. He'd seen Dan with anime merchandise. He couldn't stop thinking what an _amazing_ friend Dan might be. Also, Phil didn't have anyone to talk to after Dan left. Besides, during the time they actually spoke, Phil hadn't really nerded out to the max.

After the last period, Phil wasted no time in quickly packing his bag and heading out to the field behind the school building.

When he arrived there, surprisingly, Dan was already waiting with his back against a tree that stood proudly adjacent to the building. Good for blocking the view of onlookers. 

“Ah, he arrives.” Dan beckoned Phil. “What'd you wanna say, dipshit?”

“Dan, please.” Phil sighed and stood in front of him. “Can we please be _civil,_ for once?”

Dan bit his lip. He looked hesitant.

_What did I even do?_

“Fine.” Dan sighed after a while. “Tell me.”

“I just wanted to sort this out.” Phil felt extremely nervous. “I mean, why are we like this? When I was first here, we were good! I really miss that, Dan. I miss _you.”_

“P-Phil–” Dan looked shocked.

“I want to get to know you.” Phil interrupted. “Your nerdy interests, your music taste, your favourite anime. All of it. Because, honestly, I think you're a great guy and I feel like I'm missing out.”

Dan looked taken aback. Eyes wide, brow furrowed and lips slightly parted.

“I need to leave.” Dan muttered, averted his gaze and turned around.

“Oh, fine!” Phil shouted almost angrily. “I come here and try to be a better person and this is what you do? You turn your back on me? This is what fits you, Howell! Just run away like a _coward!”_

 _“Excuse me?”_ Dan looked at Phil. His face was red with anger. _“What did you just call me?”_

“A coward!” Phil was yelling now. Why was Dan being this way? “Because that's what you are! A stupid _coward!”_ Phil felt mean saying it but it wasn't like Dan deserved any better.

Dan, in Phil's opinion, had never looked angrier. 

“You want to know why I pushed you away?” Dan shouted. “Why I started being mean to you? Because I was afraid! I _am_ afraid! Because I'm saving myself the trouble! Because _I started loving you!”_

Phil's anger drained out of him. “D-Dan–”

“Oh, now you shut the fuck up and let me speak!” Dan threw his bag down. “I wanted to hate you! But oh no, you just had to come in with your bright eyes and gentle smile! Hell, you even _liked_ the same stuff as me! I started loving you, Phil!”

“W-Why didn't you just tell me?” Phil felt his voice break as tears brimmed in Dan's eyes.

“Because no one accepts me for what I am.” Dan wiped his eyes and glared. “Because my fucking Dad _hates_ me for it! I can't _stand_ doing something else that will disappoint him even more! I want to _hate_ you, Phil! I want to fucking hate you! And sometimes I do. I do. Because you don't have a fucking problem in snarling at me but _it kills me._ I'm so fucking ambivalent, Phil! Look at me,” he laughed bitterly. “I hate to love you.”

Dan broke down. Phil didn't know what to say. Dan….loved him?

“Oh, Dan.” Phil walked forward and wrapped his arms around him. He felt so _tiny._

“It doesn't have to be this way.” Phil whispered into his hair as he rubbed circles on his back.

Dan continued to sob onto his shoulder. He muttered unintelligible things into Phil's shirt and Phil could only run his hands through Dan's hair and whisper encouraging words.

After a few minutes, Phil cupped Dan's face tilted his head to meet his gaze. His eyes were swollen and his cheeks were tear-stained. “We can still make this work.”

“But, Phil–”

“No, Dan.” Phil's voice was gentle. “It doesn't matter what your dad thinks. If he can't accept you for what an amazing person you are, then that's his fault. I still _like_ you, Dan. We can be friends.” Phil wiped his cheeks and pressed a ginger kiss on his forehead.

Dan pulled away, “S-So, you don't think I'm a freak?”

“Why would I even think that?” The corner of Phil's mouth quirked up a bit.

“Because, I like you and I'm-I'm _gay.”_ He said the last word almost with dread.

“And so am I.” Phil smiled. “I'd be lying if I said I loved you too. But it could be a possibility in the future.”

Dan's broken expression lifted a bit. “Really, Lester?”

“Really, Howell.” Phil grinned and Dan did too, his dimples poking out of his cheeks.

Dan wiped his face, adjusted his fringe and stood up straight. “It felt good to get that off my chest.”

“Yeah.” Phil smiled. “So wanna come over for some Mario Kart?”

Dan grinned and picked up his bag. “Ohh, I'm gonna beat your ass.”

“Oh, you wish.” Phil pushed him playfully and Dan stuck his tongue out at him.

_This might not be that bad after all._


End file.
